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Where are you?

 

While I’m sitting here
Writing down these words
I still wonder
Why

 

I tried to believe in you
And, well, I think I really do so
But when you’re somewhere
Guiding me
Loving me
Protecting me
Why do you rip out my heart again
when it was just replaced?

 

Why do you want to let me bleed?
I didn’t do something wrong, did I?
What do you try to tell me by doing this?
And why do I have to get along all alone when I need you so badly?

 

So I’m asking you
Sitting here
Sadly writing down these words
Where are you?

 

You can show me the mistakes I’ve made
And I don’t even reject a punishment
But you’re not allowed to use someone else to punish me
You’re not allowed to hurt someone I love
You’re not allowed to play with their lives
You’re not allowed to kill
because I did something wrong

 

That’s not fair
Life’s not fair
You’re not fair

 

I know you don’t hate me
And I don’t hate you either
And to say it in someone else’s way:
“You know I’ll always love you, but right now I just don’t like you, ‘cause you took this to far”

 

Do you even know what you did to me at all?
Do you know how I feel to bury my brother, my best friend, my child?
And I had to do it twice this year
You should know
And you still didn’t care

 

 

Besides
Did you notice I changed?
By doing this to me
You brought back my fear
which felt so far away for a long time
And what’s even worse
You didn’t only give it back to me…

 

And in moments like this
When it feels like hot blood is running down my face instead of clear teardrops
I ask myself
Where the hell are you?
Sitting in you’re cloud
Watching me fall apart

 

I know you told me, that
“You know that this will hurt, but if I don’t break you’re heart, things will just get worse, if the burden seems to much to bear, remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there”

 

What can be worse than taking things, I love more than everything else?

 

Where are you?
Why
I can’t breathe
I know I am a loser
But I don’t want to lose again

 

I am lost without you
And as it seems
I am lost with you, too
   

 

9.7.06 00:52
 


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